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i grew up in Montana. music and skateboarding saved me from a snowy oblivion. now i'm in DC and music and skateboarding are saving me from becoming a robot.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Jake Burton's Fall Bash is Decadent and Depraved

It's not often that I regurgitate whole articles. I might comment and excerpt, but rarely to I lift whole things. But this one is too good. Apparently people are less-than-willing to pick up this article, because Burton is a big snow/skate/X-treme mega-corporation now, and apparently they've caught wind of this. In the interest of a free press and sticking it to the man, here I present to you in it's entirety, an inside peek at Jake Burton's Annual Fall Bash:

In these tough economic times sometimes you have to wonder how the other half lives. Are the rich and powerful forced to eat ramen and work harder for less money like us common folk? I (anonymous, uninvited party goer) decided to investigate just that, and got the chance when I knew someone with an invitation to Jake Burton’s Annual Fall Bash

Every year the Burton-Carpenter family opens its home to employees, industry-types and regional business people alike, for a blow out like no other. You can expect great food, a big-time band and plenty of recreational opportunities to go around. But in this economy, and with Jake and Donna forgoing a salary, I had to wonder, would it be as good?

Pulling up to the Moscow, VT estate, things seemed normal. There was a field full of cars and plenty of people to help park them. We rolled up and after they’d found our names in the hefty binder of RSVP’s, got our wristbands. We then walked about 2 feet before having to show our wristbands again, so it seemed the economy was also not affecting the level of security.

The main tent was packed and we quickly went to the buffet line. The selections included pumpkin chili, pulled pork, caprese salad and several other selections, again, didn’t seem like tough times here. And dessert was even more decadent: a literal fountain of cascading chocolate and caramel. I finally thought I’d found a sign of the times upon spotting the line for booze, but as it turned out there were several bars around the property, one just needed to branch out.

After dinner, the entertainment began and Gym Class Heroes took the stage. They introduced themselves as “that band that sings the girlfriend song” and although I am not a fan per se, still a pretty big deal for a private party. I was beginning to come to the conclusion that Jake and Donna had no idea of the dire state of the economy, and then I went to the bathroom.

Inside the row of port-a-potties I finally found what I was looking for, proof that even the rich were cutting back. Unlike years past, there were no lights, and party goers were left to stumble in the darkness and sit in each other’s pee. A brilliant cost saving move if you think about it—less desire to use the bathroom leads to less drinking, people leaving sooner, etc etc. This simple move probably cut costs by at least 10%.

So the rich are cutting back, they are just doing it way smarter than the rest of us.

1 comment:

Sean Regan said...

Jake opened his home. You peed on the seat.

Thanks for sharing.